Tag Archives: feelings

Why judgement is inevitable and important.

The present hypersensitivity towards others

“Judgement” has become a no-no word. People feel offended if they feel “judged” by them-  They may even take a judgement as an attack. It could be, but more often than not it isn’t. Why?

3 girls
Do you feel offended by what others say or think about you?

Before I enter deeply into the necessity of judgement I want to say a word about the hypersensitivity of people. The PC code tries to impose on all of us what we can say and what not – or even what we HAVE to say.  What absurdity!  Because someone could feel hurt by our words? Please remember that the feelings belong to the person who feels them and have nothing to do with anything another person does. If you feel hurt by what others say your feelings are triggered by the memory you have from previous experiences. Other people, with the same trigger can feel completely differently than you do. Therefore your experience is not a justification to control other people’s words. If you want to do that on a larger scale (that means when there is no clearly “negative” expression in their words like open shaming, accusation etc.), then it is only a sign for your conscious or unconscious attempt to hold power over others.

Judging is a bad thing?

Having said that, let’s talk about judging and judgement. There is a pervasive confusion when it comes to judging. Somebody who feels judged feels treated badly and accuses the other of exercising power. Unconditional love, no judgement and similar jargons pervade our super sensitive society, especially when raised by those who feel at the bottom of whatever hierarchy.

So then, judgment is connected with hierarchy and “all hierarchies are bad and need to be destroyed”. Yes, we know these slogans and unfortunately they are adopted blindly by many people who chose to be victims to the forces of life, the universe, other people, everything.

As we said above, it is all about FEELINGS….and not about REALITY.  And RATIONALITY has little chance to interfere here. Nonetheless, I want to provide some rational viewpoints which might reach some of those who are not yet completely addicted to victimism.

Judgement is inevitable and absolutely necessary for life.

Judgement is the very basis of life, human and animal alike. In every millisecond our organism screens what is going on and judges if it encounters a threat or not. This starts biologically with our cells and goes up to our mental processes. When we see or hear something unusual we immediately check and judge the situation in order to decide if we can stay or had better flee. A misjudgement can lead to disaster. That’s why during evolution we all have learned to fine-tune our judgement without which we would be lost.

optical illusion
what do you see here?

This judgement starts before we even perceive anything. Our perceptual filters which allow us to perceive certain things but others not, are systems of permanent and automated judgements which are operating often completely out of our awareness. Therefore, whatever you perceive and whatever you think about it (for instance about what I am writing here), has already undergone your judgement, if you are aware of it or not. You are automatically biased with whatever you perceive and your personal bias can be diametrically different to that of other people. You literally live in a different world than other people so before you ask them to adapt to your world, why not try to adapt to theirs first and see what happens?

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater

I said that the term “judgement” underlies a huge confusion, which actually is the case with other terms like “power” or “hierarchy”. In their oversimplifying way some people want to eliminate everything which they in their personal experience have perceived as negative. Poor grades at school, an accident on the sidewalk, some kid molested on the way to school, whatever. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater there are no grades at school – everybody is equally able or unable?  Kids have to be taken to school by their parents reinforced  by law.  When do they ever have a minute of freedom? The list could continue endlessly. Because someone happened to crash their car against a tree all trees get cut, etc. I am sure you can add to the list.

The shortsightedness of triggered feelings creates hardly the intended positive outcome, but most likely a negative one: Kids completely dominated by what their parents ask them to do or not to do, suppression of gifts and intelligence because nobody is allowed to be better in certain skills, discontent and dissatisfaction which leads inevitably to violence or numbness, two sides of the same coin. And then you expect people to understand what is going on, to take responsibility for the future by doing constructive things or at least by voting for the right sort of politicians (if there are any available)?

Safe spaces and control keep people in prolonged childhood

woman with umbrella
Stuck and immobile by overprotection?

You cannot expect these adult behaviors from people who have never been encouraged to grow up into emotional and ethical adulthood. They are still exhibiting behaviors and beliefs they were fed years earlier by overprotective parents, schools, or by ideological indoctrination. They need to come out of their narrow little safety net and take on responsibility for their own lives, their community, their country and the world. And that means that they need to learn to JUDGE, themselves, others and what is going on. They need to widen the basis upon which their judgement can be valid and right and constantly check it for a broader perspective and if it is still appropriate or not.

Every decision is based on  conscious or unconscious judgement. A way to grow up!

We need to judge and discern how and with whom we want to spend our time, what we want to do in life, what and whom we want to serve. We cannot blame anybody for our own judgements, let alone for the negation of adopting them. It is up to everyone of us how we face the difficulties of our lives. Blaming others for our own failures and incapacities  is certainly not the way to happiness and peace.

Is Western Society Heading Back to The Middle Ages?

Heretics burning at the stake
Heretics burning at the stake

We made it about 400 years ago: the separation of church and state. It took many centuries of fight and suffering, thousands of “heretics” burnt at the stake, loosing their lives for our benefit: For us to be able to say whatever we want without ending up imprisoned, tortured, stoned or burnt. Are we now heading back to the Middle Ages?

Funny enough – or better: tragic enough, it is the leading edge of modern societies who is pushing us back into that state where we lose our freedom of speech, where we have to bite our tongue if we don’t want to be denounced and tried for what we say: If not as in the Middle Ages, but certainly as in the “east-block” countries. I grew up in Germany, fortunately in the West, but I had relatives in the East and I know how they were continuously threatened and had to be very careful or pay dearly if they said something about a certain group or the practices of the state.

The Levels of Development – evolution in healthy and unhealthy forms

The Levels of Development (Ken Wilber)
The Levels of Development (Ken Wilber)

The unhealthy form of the”green” level  is  expressed in an aggressive  fundamentalism (see the levels of development in “Spiral Dynamics” or as outlaid by Ken Wilber). It is nothing better than any other fundamentalism, only the target changes. Western Societies have recently been governed mostly by people with a “green”- postmodern – mindset. In their attempt to protect minorities and to see everybody as (literally) equal, they see the necessity to create laws to protect THE FEELINGS of certain members of certain minorities. 

Who is Responsible for Your Feelings?

Face in hands - expressing sadness or any negative feeling
Negative Feelings

Modern psychology has clearly stated that we are responsible for our own feelings, we alone, nobody else. Yes, we can be triggered by what other people do or say, but how we react to the trigger, that is exclusively our own choice. With the new laws in Canada this gets completely turned around. People’s feelings are considered subject to criminal deeds done by others. This is the perfect form of victimism which is appropriate for little children, but not for adult citizens in the world. It reminds me of my mother’s saying with which she tried to teach me responsibility for my actions: “It’s too bad for my mother that I froze my fingers; why didn’t she give me gloves?”

So, whose feelings would be eligible to be protected by law?- and whose not? Apart from the fact that it is absolutely beside the point for the above reasons, it is a bottomless barrel. We will end up staying silent, all the time, for fear of being accused and “burnt at the stake”. Hello Middle Ages!

White ghostly figures walking over meadow
Do we want such an atmosphere?

We will end up in a totalitarian state – from which most of the present refugees are trying to escape by flooding into the Western world. Will we give up our achievements in our societies and allow practices of previous levels to govern us again? Do you want to live in constant fear and repression because someone believes that you have violated THEIR rules?

Man with bended mouth
Freedom of Speech?

Do you want THEIR rules to take over our countries? Think about it and get clear about the consequences for yourself, your family, your country and the world. And if you decide that your freedom of speech is more important and also the freedom in your personal life altogether, then stand up and fight for the principles of our constitutions and watch out for all the hidden or open attempts to re-establish values which we had overcome with so much sacrifice during the past centuries.

Is This a Picture of Mohamed? – what can you say and what not?

Here you can experience what we are heading toward – if we don’t pay attention: Jordan Peterson brings it to the point in this short video. Feel into it and observe yourself: would you like to live with the fear of saying the “wrong” words?

Let me know what you think about it . now, after you have watched the video!