The present hypersensitivity towards others
“Judgement” has become a no-no word. People feel offended if they feel “judged” by them- They may even take a judgement as an attack. It could be, but more often than not it isn’t. Why?
Before I enter deeply into the necessity of judgement I want to say a word about the hypersensitivity of people. The PC code tries to impose on all of us what we can say and what not – or even what we HAVE to say. What absurdity! Because someone could feel hurt by our words? Please remember that the feelings belong to the person who feels them and have nothing to do with anything another person does. If you feel hurt by what others say your feelings are triggered by the memory you have from previous experiences. Other people, with the same trigger can feel completely differently than you do. Therefore your experience is not a justification to control other people’s words. If you want to do that on a larger scale (that means when there is no clearly “negative” expression in their words like open shaming, accusation etc.), then it is only a sign for your conscious or unconscious attempt to hold power over others.
Judging is a bad thing?
Having said that, let’s talk about judging and judgement. There is a pervasive confusion when it comes to judging. Somebody who feels judged feels treated badly and accuses the other of exercising power. Unconditional love, no judgement and similar jargons pervade our super sensitive society, especially when raised by those who feel at the bottom of whatever hierarchy.
So then, judgment is connected with hierarchy and “all hierarchies are bad and need to be destroyed”. Yes, we know these slogans and unfortunately they are adopted blindly by many people who chose to be victims to the forces of life, the universe, other people, everything.
As we said above, it is all about FEELINGS….and not about REALITY. And RATIONALITY has little chance to interfere here. Nonetheless, I want to provide some rational viewpoints which might reach some of those who are not yet completely addicted to victimism.
Judgement is inevitable and absolutely necessary for life.
Judgement is the very basis of life, human and animal alike. In every millisecond our organism screens what is going on and judges if it encounters a threat or not. This starts biologically with our cells and goes up to our mental processes. When we see or hear something unusual we immediately check and judge the situation in order to decide if we can stay or had better flee. A misjudgement can lead to disaster. That’s why during evolution we all have learned to fine-tune our judgement without which we would be lost.
This judgement starts before we even perceive anything. Our perceptual filters which allow us to perceive certain things but others not, are systems of permanent and automated judgements which are operating often completely out of our awareness. Therefore, whatever you perceive and whatever you think about it (for instance about what I am writing here), has already undergone your judgement, if you are aware of it or not. You are automatically biased with whatever you perceive and your personal bias can be diametrically different to that of other people. You literally live in a different world than other people so before you ask them to adapt to your world, why not try to adapt to theirs first and see what happens?
Throwing the baby out with the bathwater
I said that the term “judgement” underlies a huge confusion, which actually is the case with other terms like “power” or “hierarchy”. In their oversimplifying way some people want to eliminate everything which they in their personal experience have perceived as negative. Poor grades at school, an accident on the sidewalk, some kid molested on the way to school, whatever. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater there are no grades at school – everybody is equally able or unable? Kids have to be taken to school by their parents reinforced by law. When do they ever have a minute of freedom? The list could continue endlessly. Because someone happened to crash their car against a tree all trees get cut, etc. I am sure you can add to the list.
The shortsightedness of triggered feelings creates hardly the intended positive outcome, but most likely a negative one: Kids completely dominated by what their parents ask them to do or not to do, suppression of gifts and intelligence because nobody is allowed to be better in certain skills, discontent and dissatisfaction which leads inevitably to violence or numbness, two sides of the same coin. And then you expect people to understand what is going on, to take responsibility for the future by doing constructive things or at least by voting for the right sort of politicians (if there are any available)?
Safe spaces and control keep people in prolonged childhood
You cannot expect these adult behaviors from people who have never been encouraged to grow up into emotional and ethical adulthood. They are still exhibiting behaviors and beliefs they were fed years earlier by overprotective parents, schools, or by ideological indoctrination. They need to come out of their narrow little safety net and take on responsibility for their own lives, their community, their country and the world. And that means that they need to learn to JUDGE, themselves, others and what is going on. They need to widen the basis upon which their judgement can be valid and right and constantly check it for a broader perspective and if it is still appropriate or not.
Every decision is based on conscious or unconscious judgement. A way to grow up!
We need to judge and discern how and with whom we want to spend our time, what we want to do in life, what and whom we want to serve. We cannot blame anybody for our own judgements, let alone for the negation of adopting them. It is up to everyone of us how we face the difficulties of our lives. Blaming others for our own failures and incapacities is certainly not the way to happiness and peace.